Journey of Changes and Dreams I Chased…

My first street fight I remember is when I was in second standard. I fought with three or four of my seniors. I was returning back from school on a heavy rain day of June or July; I picked up a fight and was beaten up very badly. All my new books and slate were drawn away by the red water flooding in drainage. I was beaten up at home again for what I did!

I was a brat. Managing me was a big head-ache for my parents. I jumped into a water-well with the intention of suicide while running away from my father’s beating. I tried running away from home when I was in sixth standard. I wrote a long letter to my parents stating why I am leaving home. Good that they read the letter early and picked me up from the school itself. I stole money from home to buy cricket kit and ice creams. I had special skills in cooking up lies and stories. I had a gang in seventh standard and we would pick up fight just for the enjoyment of beating up some one. I was least bothered about my studies; it was just the fear of my parents pushed me to study and get good grades.

Today if I think about what I was during my school days, it pricks me. I had anger on the world… I had hatred towards people. I just don’t remember what made me like that. I had loving parents… all the teachers loved me… probably my company was wrong or I spoilt the company. Not that I just have bitter childhood… I have loads of my own innocent and beautiful memories which always bring smile on my face… Just that, I remember bitter ones more prominently! You never know what makes an innocent kid into a brat… You never know how anger and hatred fills up within a tender heart!

My parents transferred me to a different school during my eighth standard, just to cut me off from my company! I got into athletics, science exhibitions, debates etc. I started travelling out of my town for these competitions. I went for NCC camps. I met new people. Few of them left very positive influence on me. Even though I was not doing very well with my academics; those competitions brought confidence within me. Those are the days which made me what I am… I cherish those days which brought positive change. I slowly got away from the ‘brat’ label. I think I started reading some random story books as well during those days. A positive vibe made me a better kid than before! That is the age people influence a kid to the most… And I had right people around.

When I got into pre-university, it was all about academics. I had examples set by my seniors. It was very difficult to cope up with medium switch. As a normal teenage boy I had difficult task of tackling teenage complexes. Still full focus was there on academics. I invested all my efforts… When final exams came, I was not able to handle the pressure. I was not able to write two of my papers and lost a year. I failed in the twelfth exam which decides the fate of a student in our education system. Building pressure on yourself by comparing yourself to somebody else and trying to outperform somebody else is the worst thing you can do to yourself… I learnt it hard way!

There was a year of trauma. I did not know what to do. I still managed to read and wrote remaining two papers. My aggregate was very good. But, I wanted to join engineering in army! I gave up my preparations for general entrance exams and started preparing for army entrance. Finally I gave up on army entrance as well! Luckily, I at least wrote general entrance exams without preparation, which later fetched me an engineering seat. Probably the lack of guidance and sense of losing the battle left me in such a terrible state. It was strange, I was left in deep grief along with 97% aggregate in hand! If you don’t recover from a defeat, you will be pushed deeper into more defeats!

By then, like any other small town boy I desperately wanted to get out of the town. I landed in MSRIT engineering college in Bangalore. I had different challenges to address. I was a raw small town boy in between sophisticated city students. My confidence was crushed to death. I was not capable of constructing two sentences in English for a conversation. I was blank in my first engineering lecture… I was not able to understand what is going on. For a year, I was immersed in engineering books. I got good grades as well. But, I slowly realized these grades are not just enough to survive in the city. For a period I went into a very bad depression as well. I got few amazing friends. They showed me what the city is… They showed me how to dream and how to chase them. When I cracked the group discussion and interview of my first job, I felt the sense of fulfilment. My confidence was back in! That is the age, you should have right friends who will guide you to the success… 

By the time I finished my engineering I was addicted to reading. Reading always makes me think and my thoughts are influenced by my reading. Books open up a new world for me and always gave me a different but positive perspective on life. I became a vegetarian by choice from a kid who would torture the kitten before killing it... major credit goes to what I read.

I started working… Met new people … Worked with amazing people… Last six years of my working life is just filled with good moments and successes. I was blessed to always have nicer people around. I never had chance to crib about anything. I enjoy my days filled with running, fitness, books, music and people. Sometimes, I am worried about my feeling of ‘having everything in life or being fortunate in life’ so early in life… getting used to too much of happiness and peace for very long time is not good and I have decided to get married :)

Perspectives change… Attitude changes… Challenges change… Every change during my journey always taught me a lesson. I chased my every dream with full of joy within. Sitting jobless on a bright Sunday morning, I enjoy recalling the journey of changes and dreams I chased…

Cheers!
Kiran

A Story...Questions Asked by Evening Waves...

Refuge of this beach is where I always run to whenever I want to think! Sitting on this outgrown rock which has encroached ocean’s territory elevates my thoughts from daily hassles. Between the protest of wild waves hitting the encroached rock and sound of continuously blowing heavy wind, I always find the peace and silence to think!

My brother is very close friend of mine from my childhood. We studied, played and fought together till our high school. I was chasing my dreams and landed up in city and my brother stayed back and has his own shop which is doing well. His father was victim of a kind of fever which took many lives many years back. My father was the one who looked after the entire joint family with his faith in soil and his ingenuous view about life.

Literature was something connected me and my brother and made us come out of orthodox and reserved mentality of the village. We were more open to the changes and always felt good about our thoughts which we thought are way above the society we are part of. Our Kannada teacher in high school was the one who showed us the taste of literature and made us think about bringing change. A year back my brother told me that he is in love with a girl and I was surprised when that girl turned out to be our Kannada teacher’s daughter!

My respect towards our teacher increased when he agreed immediately to his daughter’s choice, ignoring the caste and class differences. He was practicing what he was preaching. He was not laying new rules when it came to his own daughter. Convincing my father who was the head of the family was not very difficult. There were very few hurdles to cross for my brother to convert Love into Marriage.

Ten days were left for the wedding. Entire family was in joyful mood preparing for the wedding day. My father’s death in a road accident smashed us like a thunder storm. I was shocked by the situation I was in. I was not strong enough to withstand the sudden loss… I had no courage to look at my mother’s and younger sister’s face… consoling my mother and sister was my duty, but was just impossible for me to fulfill it. I was not able to digest the fact that, the life I spoke that day morning was no more by afternoon… How permanent this life is? How to have faith in tomorrow? Man’s greediness… Man’s concern about future … Man’s nature of pledging today for the sake of tomorrow... does all these have any meaning? No other thing which haunts Man as badly as death. It is a strange end with no future. I can’t think any more about the death… Sun has finished his daily duty and going to lighten up another world… saying good bye with vibrant colors everywhere…

Three-four days after the incident, slowly things were settling down. My brother took the entire responsibility of the family and helped family members to come out of the trauma. He arranged for all the rituals to be carried out after death. I was blank when my brother announced, wedding will be held as per the plan. It was hot summer evening… Entire surrounding was stand still without even a small breeze... All of us were sitting in sit out to beat the sweaty suffocation inside the home. He was explaining to everybody about what bride’s father said and how he agrees with his to be father in law. All that I understood was… Bride’s father told my brother… He doesn't believe in the rituals performed after the death… There is no meaning in religious restriction we follow for twelve days… He doesn't agree to the prohibition of any functions like wedding during this restrictive period… Wedding will happen as per the schedule… He is against the blind faiths followed after the death.

Next day my mother called me to her room and told, herself and my sister will not be part of this wedding if at all it happens as per the schedule. My aunt was scared to face the people’s reaction for such a step but never had guts to oppose his own son or she was biased by mother’s love towards her son. My grandmother was in her deep sorrow of having no son left for her. She told “My time of attending any wedding is over, I am waiting for death to embrace me before anybody else”. My brother was completely convinced by the idea of going against the natural sequence of the society. I was the only person who was confused.

I always had confused thoughts. I never have a strong stance to go against the stream. I am not complete atheist. I always believed there is a power which is greater than human. We can call it as ‘God’, ‘Nature’ or with whatever name we want. If man says he can explain everything scientifically, logically and intellectually; it is just his ego. There is always something eternal and not available for normal man’s reach. I don’t believe in rituals and I am against the money making business in the name of God. I don’t visit temples with my own will. I stumble to answer if somebody asks me ‘should all temples be closed?’ These temples are not just part of the religion, they are also part of the people’s life. I hate the class and caste based system we have… But love the tradition we carry… My thoughts are running all over the places… Waves are hitting the rock I am sitting on with different intensity, creating different complex patterns once they subside…

Is this demand from our teacher is a tactic to show case the village that how strong his revolutionary thoughts are or genuinely he thinks religious restrictions we follow are blind faiths? Doesn't death mean anything to the rest of the family? Is death of a close family member just one other event? The restriction we have in the name of religious ritual doesn't have an intention to give time to family members to come out of the grief caused by death? Would he react in the same manner if death would have occurred in his own family? Even if he doesn't believe in the religious restriction, is there no meaning to the emotions of family members who are still coming out of the shock caused by death? Is it not wrong to play with other’s emotions to prove your ideology?

Why my brother took an immediate stance to go ahead with the wedding as per the schedule? He was my father’s favorite at home. He always had love and great respect for my father. Is breaking rules more important than emotional link he had with a life which just passed away? Will he be able to be part of the joyous moment of his life with a grief of death inside, which is not time healed? Is he actually in the zeal of fighting against what he thinks are blind beliefs or he is just being selfish and using the mask of revolution? Is he going blind about the people he is going to hurt by his decisions and actions? Or he doesn't have enough courage to go against his to be father in law? Wind is blowing with same intensity producing same echo inside my ears from long time… I turn my head to the side to get out of monotonous echo of wind for a while… Still there is echo but with different sound effect…

‘You should not be bothering about what society thinks, just do what you think is right’ But, is it that simple? Good or bad we are part of a society and society helps us during tough times and is part of our celebrations. Society never accepts a sudden change in conventional beliefs. It always expects the changes to be gradual. It can ignore breaking a weak belief having different perspectives. It can never accept going against fundamental beliefs like religious restrictions during death. Which is not as simple as accepting an inter caste marriage. But, some time back inter caste marriage was also a strong rule and breaking that rule was not accepted. Who made that rule weak? When did it become an easily breakable rule in this society? Being a social animal man cannot just follow what he thinks is right; he just has got the freedom to think and not to practice. If at all he wants to bring change, it takes time!

In the eagerness of bringing change why do we want to change everything and start thinking everything based on the religion is wrong? If at all this wedding happens, it will break apart my joint family. Is it really important to prove ideology by breaking the relations? Did anybody ask for Bride’s opinion on this? Does she want to start beautiful moment of her life under the shade of death? Why everybody is behind proving themselves and forcing others to follow them? Is enforcing your views on somebody else is not wrong? Sun is out of the horizon now… wind is still blowing with same speed… hardly any colors are visible… darkness slowly taking hold of the situation…

In this entire episode, what is my stance? Was I jealous somewhere deep within about my brother for finding his love by himself? Is complex of lagging behind making me think against his decisions? Even I always talk about changes and reforming society’s blind folded thoughts… Now I am not able to answer whether religious restrictions after death are blind beliefs or not. Is it because it involves me very closely? I don’t believe in the rituals performed after the death. But, I believe in silent distress caused by death of loved ones and allowing time to heal it. Can I be part of joyous celebration during this time? Is it rationally or emotionally possible for me? Is there any chance of being neutral to this situation? Answer is clear ‘NO’. Why the drift created by my brother’s wedding is stronger than the drift created by my father’s loss? Why am I so confused?

Wind is still blowing with the same speed… slowly stars are appearing on the clear sky… I look around for moon… I don’t even know what day of moon it is… I get up from where I was sitting… jump down from the rock on to the sand bed… start walking back leaving sea behind… I hold my slippers in hand and enjoy the texture of the sand… I remember my childhood days walking on this beach holding my father’s hand and playing with my brother on the same beach constructing sand houses... A smile with no meaning appears on my face…!

Cheers!

Kiran

Lucky Generation - Born to Make Money!

I am lucky to be part of the generation (probably the last one?) who played marbles with utmost seriousness and had a professionalism in controlling the Spinning Top… A generation which never saw danger in Tree-Monkey Game and was fearless in jumping from one tree to other… Generation with high level of skills in playing Tipcat. My memories are filled with countless outdoor games we played without a hint of technology and sophisticated equipment. We never felt need of sophistication. My school days were the ones where people were not dependent on technology. It was just entering Indian towns. TV was still new to the room and was an amusement to us.

Social media is something which increases the count of friends but actually makes people lonelier within. We pretend to be social on online social media to cover up the actual social life we are running away from. With the life style we have, we don’t have time to be social. We still have social network which helps us to grow our business or career. We very easily leave friends behind along with the college we passed out and the company we left; because it is just need based setup. We are lazy to meet and connect to friends who are few steps away... but they like photo of our new recipe on Facebook… we would have actually called them for lunch… we are busy! We forget to connect to a friend sitting next to us because we were busy connecting to somebody else on Whats-app! Our family system is getting fickle and shallow day by day… Trust between people is deteriorating slowly… We have very few people to share our happiness and sorrows… Our social pride mask stops us from being emotionally natural. We are heading towards competition based selfish social system where everybody is wearing mask of status… Is everybody happy with it? We should think of investing time on people we like… who will exist without existence of social media and any other fingertip communications we have and don’t expect anything other than mental peace and joy from those people.

Our previous generation had a commitment and had a discipline in life. They had better moral commitment towards their work and life. I have seen people who rejected the offers of being more powerful, rejected opportunity to make more money; just because they have to compromise with their ethics. They never made money; I would say they were successful. They lived with pride and never had a sense of guilt in their life. They had guts to do it and most of us don’t have! We call it an irrational decision!

Most of our parents were struggling to make money to come out of poverty. As I have seen the village, there was no rush to make money even though they never had enough (very relative word in case of money!). Probably the same reason would have pushed them to have more wealth in terms of social relationships which could save them in case of emergencies. They never craved for success… They always believed, it is absolutely wrong to step on somebody else to achieve success. They found themselves happy with the harmony they had with people around them. They worked hard for the food and relished when the stomach was full. Whenever I speak to an elderly person from my village, I can feel the sense of fulfillment in his/her life. Their world was small and most of them were happy in that. What was wrong?

God knows who started the concept of “You are born to make money … One and only aim of your birth is to make money and buy things!” We all hooked on to it! We forget what Indian spirituality said about “Why you are born?” We make money initially for luxury (we say quality of living!) after that we make money just for the habit of making money. We don’t even have time to cook and eat because we are busy making money! New generation is building up an attitude of “Anything which is not profitable is useless”.  As a general public we don’t read poetry. Most of us will ask “What is the use of poetry?” We are not saints to be happy with whatever we have. We need to dream big and work hard to achieve them. But, there are lot of other creative things to dream about, which doesn't involve money.

We pass on all our attitudes about life to next generations. They don’t feel they are part of nature… They treat nature as a Tool... They struggle to understand ‘Nature is life’. Being connected to nature will not be something natural for next generations. An extra attempt will be required to introduce them to nature. They might like playing on iPad sitting at jungle resort! We can’t pass on our tradition to next generation because we don’t even have rough understanding of what it is! We are the generation more materialistic than our previous one was… next generations will have the danger of just being materialistic.

Now the kids are taught to win… How to become smart and successful. Very rarely they are taught – “It is OK to loose but hold on to morals/ethics”. It is not just about teaching or preaching, they don’t see value in value system, society gives them the impression – “Hook or Crook winner enjoys!” They will break double the rules we break! Is there a way to make the next generations understand? Morality is not finite… There are no set rules for what is right and what is wrong … Something which is absolutely morally wrong today, becomes morally acceptable as time passes. We need careful eyes to notice the change in morality and thoughtful mind to decide what is right and what is wrong!

With the globalization and cosmopolitan society, we have its own advantages. We can contact anybody anywhere in the world in matter of seconds. We came out of the class and caste based mentality of our previous generation. We became more open to changes and have temperament of surviving anywhere on this planet. We travel more and gain different experiences, which makes us better people.

I am lucky to be part of the generation which respects gender equality… which doesn’t respect the division based on class, caste and religion… A generation which saw post cards to Whats-app … A generation which was part of flying kites as well as airplane... A generation who wrote on writing-slate as well as on new gen tablets… A generation who enjoyed reading both Mahabharath and Harry Potter. A generation who has equal skills handling Tipcat as well as Play Station Controller.

The village, town and the city I spent all these years offered me a new change every other day… which I always enjoyed. Change was required to fight against more serious social evils practiced by our previous generations… That doesn’t mean ‘change’ should degrade something good we already had. I would have glorified the negative part of where we are heading to… These are all random thoughts came to my mind… These are just the questions raised… None of us have definite answers to all these questions… For some of us these are irrelevant and not the questions at all… Everybody’s view point is different!  I am not saying all that modern is bad. Just that, we have a challenge of balancing Money on one side… Happiness, Peace, Fulfillment, Love, Morality etc. on the other side.

Wish you and your loved once a Very Happy New Year filled with Love… Joy… Peace… Fulfillment…

Cheer!

Kiran

Root of Peace within and Love about Life…

The Principles we stand by and the Emotions within us have major influence from kind of childhood we spent. Childhood is the time when we didn't have our own intelligence/opinions and influence of people/nature around us was at its maximum. Our immediate reaction to a situation comes from our upbringing, just that we ignore to notice it. ‘Rights’ and ‘Wrongs’ learnt as a child shapes our principles and are very difficult to amend.

I was fortunate to have people and nature of a small village which brought me up in early years of my childhood at its refuge of warmth. A beautiful village called ‘Magegar’ at foothills of Western Ghats, having around fifteen houses covered with betel nut plantations and paddy fields is where I took my first steps. We were renting one of the out houses of Hegde who was considered as leading person of that village. My parents were teachers in primary school of next village, which was the only school for surrounding five to six villages.

We would cross two foot hills and two vast plains daily to reach school. In heavy rains of Western Ghats’ Monsoon, umbrella was the mere symbol to protect us from rain. I think, that is when I started loving rain… Completely drenched in rain, splashing water on each other we enjoyed rain at its high intensity. An emergency holiday declared to school due to heavy rains would be very common during Monsoon season and we would enjoy paper boats sinking in water flowing everywhere! Umbrellas turning upright due to heavy wind… People crashing down on slippery slopes of foothills… Kids army laughing out loud at these small instances… are the pictures I don’t want to forget along with Monsoon rains I love.

Even now I feel warm if I remember those moments of sitting in front of the fireplace meant for boiling betel nuts during shivering winters. Jack fruit seeds and Cashew seeds roasted in that fire taste heaven. It was the time when schools would open at eight O’clock in the morning. We would keep glowing charcoal in coconut skull and circulate between us from one palm to the other to keep ourselves warm on the way to school!

Daily route to school taught me the first lessons about Nature. The daily journey of passing betel nut plantation… Crossing ‘Small Bridge’ and ‘Tiger Bridge’… Uphill and downhill of ‘Jamun Tree Hill’… Passing ‘Sabi Plain’ and ‘School Plain’ would offer us a new experience every day. We would chase colorful butterflies with the passion of hunters, whenever a butterfly would die from our attack; “Poor butterfly died” - We would regret with tears for its death! We would even carry out its cremation by burying its dead body! We never intended to kill a butterfly but just wanted to catch it! Pocketful of wild fruits used to be part of our daily diet on the way to school. Climbing any tree was never taught, it was natural skill learnt. We had an understanding of the depth of ‘Tiger Bridge’… We had sniffed almost every wild flower on those hills… We had witnessed the Cobra crossing the pathway many times and every time experienced the fear it comes with.

The kids army containing five to six of us was known for all the mischiefs in the village. Doddanna Hegde’s dog was always under our radar as a target to our stone missiles. On holidays we would attack mango plantation with salt and chilli powder stolen from home. Along with having feast of raw mangoes with salt and chilli power under the shades of mango trees, we would discuss topics ranging from “Shidhar Hegde’s Gouri has given birth to cute calf” to “Day before, Tiger caught Bhat’s cow”. These topics were discussed as if they were not less than any international breaking news. We always had differences in “Calf is male? or Female?”… “Tiger caught cow Or Was it bull?”!

Names of the regions of our kingdom were also very funny.  Pond in the school ground where we would hunt frogs in rainy season – ‘Frog Pond’… Even though hanging cashew fruits were mouthwatering, access restricted – ‘Ghost Plantation’… Cliff having gooseberry tree where we believed there are snakes – ‘Gooseberry Cliff’…  The Bridge where we all believed tiger is hiding – ‘Tiger Bridge’. Probably all those Ghost, Snake, Tiger were the characters created by elders to prohibit us from entering those zones. But, we never respected those scary names!

The Jeep which would come to Hegde’s house once in while from town was one of the wonders of our world. We would run behind the Jeep till the end of the village not bothering about the red dust cloud created by the Jeep. Becoming Jeep driver was the biggest and only aim of our life. We would practice Jeep driving sitting on still bullock cart with at most enthusiasm. Milking machine in Hegde’s cattle shed, Huge bio-gas Plantation drum, Gudigaar Hegde’s paintings, Vidya akka’s colorful Rangolis, Vani akka’s melodious Songs … were the amusements we would cherish.

In entire village only Vani akka’s home had TV. Sunday evening was the only time cinema was broadcasted. Not just the kids, even elders would gather to watch the cinema. If antenna shakes because of the wind, then it used to be nightmare to get the signal back. I remember the fight scenes we enjoyed from those black and white cinemas. During Ganesha festival TV and VCP were rented from town to show Mahabharath, Ramayan and Krishanvatara to villagers. I still remember entire village watching ‘Kalinga Mardana’ holding their breath.

Preparation would start very early for Bull race and Kite flying competitions during Diwali. We all believed that Bull having long and sharp horn runs faster. Depending on the size and shape of the horn, we would predict "This time Kariya Bull will win the race" like expert astrologers. Bulls decorated with circular colorful marks on their body, glittering paper tied to their horn… would always be in our discussion topics during Diwali season. We would trouble Venka, Hegde’s servant to prepare Kites for us. While all elders’ Kites would fly high in the sky, our Kites would stumble and hit the ground… Standing helpless, we would cry at out Kite crash. We never understood that along with under rated skills Venka had in preparing Kites, daily newspaper we used, to prepare Kites was also the reason for Kites to crash. We all thought, “We don’t know how to fly the Kites”!

Ganesha festival was our favourite festival. We would peep into Gudigar Hegde’s house daily on the way to school and enjoyed sensational news like “Today Ganesha sitting on lion has got eyes”! During Ganesha Festival along with special festival food we would get wherever we go; it was an opportunity to see dangerous thing like ‘Lakshmi Cracker’. Fire designs created by rain pots and fire wheels rotating on floor… Rocket crackers jumping from bottle to sky with thrilling sound… Cracker which blasts when you hit it hard on the ground – Nelagumma… Train Cracker running on thread tied between windows… created a wonderland for us. After a week of Ganesha festival we would start troubling Venka; Even though elders were against it, Venka would get into the lake and take out bits and pieces of Ganesha for us. If we get Ganesha’s hand, mouse, crown as it is then there were no limits to our happiness. From then on we would start experimenting clay sculpturing skills… Ganesha only knows what we made out of clay… Man, Jeep, Cow, Dog, Mouse… Finally we would label the statues like "This is Mouse"!

In that village my family was the only non-brahmin family. But, I don’t remember anybody behaving in a manner to make the difference visible. I never entered their pooja room, but I remember Hegde saying “No Kid is different; there should not be any difference between the kids”. I would go to Hegde’s cattle shed to get the milk daily. He would give milk directly from milking basket. Till I came out of that village, I did not know people mix water to milk while selling it. When we were caught by an elder during our butterfly hunting, we were taught “Nature is Mother; every life is given birth in this world for a purpose. We don’t have any right to kill any life for our joy. You all love Butterfly for its beauty, killing a beauty like butterfly is cruelty… God will never forgive you if you do it again”. I don’t know how much we understood at that age. But, for sure we all understood it was terribly bad thing to do.

Betel nut drying roof tops… Women workers who would come daily from neighboring village to peel betel nuts and the love they showed to all of us… Vatsalakka, who would give snacks whenever we go to her house… Cowboy Rama, who showed us every corner of the foothills… Hegde’s dog, who would daily follow us till the school… Venka, who would fulfill all our demands while scolding us for troubling him always…  Shridhar Hegde’s cow Gouri, who had holiness in its gesture and its cutest calf ‘Putti’… Strange games we played literally everywhere in the village… This list can go on and on!

In every sense that village was living in unity. Even there would have been small jealousy, misunderstandings between people… But, in Celebrations during Festivals and helps during tough times differences were forgotten. The inconvenience of surviving alone because of the challenging geographic location would have taught them living together. The village and nature which showered love and affection on young heart is the root of peace within me and my love about life.

When my parents got transferred to my home town from that village, after thirteen long years they spent there; I was in the thrill of travelling long in tempo traveller… There would have been tears in the eyes of entire village which came to send us off...

Cheers!

Kiran

[ This is rough translation of one of my blogs published long back in Kannada Magazine ‘Kenda Sampige’. My English skills are adopted and nowhere close to what I write in Kannada. Those who can read Kannada… better to read Original @ http://www.kendasampige.com/article.php?id=3346 ]

Gun Makes Sound and I Fire !!!

I close my eyes for a moment… Take a deep breathe… My toes and fingers grip hard on the ground … I turn deaf for all the noise around but could hear my heart thumping loud… My eyes stare at a distance but stopped seeing everything… brain concentrates to the maximum it can and listen only to the ears… Gun Makes Sound and I Fire !!!

I never experienced that thrill again in my life. I can’t explain in words - how thrilling it was being at starting line of state level high school sprint track. I can very easily go into that moment even now and feel high about it. After so many years, slowly I am understanding - what it means to me.

  

It all started with… Running from school to home and who will reach home first! It was my regular game with my schoolmates who were my neighbours as well. From the school which was almost a mile away from my home; I played this game for at least five years till my 8^th standard. While zipping through my home-town main street, all of us possessed an amazing skill of not crashing with anybody in crowded market.

I started running for my school when I was in 9^th standard. We practised bare footed at least two hours in a day.  Our sports teacher and one of my friends who was self-appointed coach made us run every day on hard surfaces with small pebbles, on the tar roads, on the beach sand, on the rocky mountains… with one goal of 'Finishing First'. Probably those were my first lessons to focus and determination.

I represented my school for two years in sprint section at Town, District and State levels. Every time when I was at starting line… I learnt how to handle pressure and keeping me cool. Every time I set off… I learnt importance of speed and how important it is to give my 100%. Being starter of our 4X100 relay team, which also made it to State level… I learnt handling the responsibility of handing over the batten first. Every time I won a race… it boosted my self-confidence.  Every time I lost... it taught me how to accept failures. Every day training sessions brought so much of discipline into life. Volleyball was my another passion around the same time I was sprinting, which taught me being a true team player.

My 10^th standard academic scores were not very impressive after so much of hard work on the grounds. When I stepped into Pre University, priorities were different and I left sprinting forever. Engineering was all about coping up with new world. Except few amateur Volleyball sessions, irregular jogging and few trekking adventures; it was coma period for my body.

When I started working in Mindtree, I started running again. This time I picked up long run and my lead was pushing me to run Bangalore 10K that year. It was very easy for me to getting back to run... It is in my soul ! I managed to finish 10K that year and got addicted to long runs. Long running increases temperament of mind and sense of achievement for every extra mile covered. If I am bored/stressed I get out for a run, Long run is a very good stress buster. Sweat drips from body… Joy fills within!

Around last year this time, I realized I was completing 5 years since I started long runs; but there were no traces of improvement in my timings because of the lack of disciplined schedule. I came up with one year plan which was not just about running, but improving overall fitness. I am satisfied with what I have done in last one year and feel fit than I was ever before. Group Cycling, Boot Camps, Boxing Circuits @ ‘Nuffield Health’ dramatically improved my overall fitness. I ran 6 km in 25 mins last week and finished a 20 km run recently after long time. In last one year I am getting addicted to Badminton as well. After every Badminton session I desperately wait for the next one. My Badminton game is improving as well. This Blog is part of my Celebration of successfully completing one year fitness plan !

Rule to be regular is very simple. Getting into sports shoes is first priority in daily task list; all other activities are planned after it!

When I was sprinting during school days, it was all barefoot. During State level meet is when I borrowed a pair of torn out spikes from one of my friends’ brother and patched it with rubber of cycle tube pieces.  It was heavy like hell when I was running because of my patch work. In the same meet, one of the long runners from Bangalore we met was wearing a pair of Asics shoes. He told us - his uncle brought it from US for him and shoe is not available in India. He was generous enough to allow us to try those imported shoes. I remember, we were talking about those shoes for months. I never even dreamt of owning those shoes in my life. Price he told was way beyond my imagination. What I remember is - it was costlier than bicycle I was dreaming to buy!

Photo Curtsey - Jagan

Today I am running @ canal side with Asics shoes on… Lush green around, spreading calmness… Cool breeze, filling me with pleasure … Rising Sun with a generous painting of red and yellow shades,  bringing boundary less joy … I close my eyes and Thank God for blessing me to be so privileged. Sense of ‘having everything in life’ liberates !!!

Cheers!

Kiran

Lost Boy in City

Disclaimer :) – I am trying to write state of mind and blog need not be in organized/structured format. I have used ‘I’ too many times… I believe that represents me and many like me!

I crave for what I left behind. I brought up in refuge of nature. It offered me spectacular views. I had green everywhere. I had clean and blue river which flows in my heart. I had beaches just behind my home, where I sat alone in front of boundary less ocean… being part beautiful sunset every other day. There was ‘peace’ everywhere. I never realized the importance of what I had. I never made an extra attempt to enjoy/understand the privilege I had. It was all very natural for me and taken for granted. Now I regret… How lucky I was!

Like every small town boy I dreamt of being in City. When the time came and I moved to city, I was watching the glamour carried by the City with my wide opened eyes and jaws! It looked like a dream land and I was pinching myself to make sure I am really part of it or not. I was encroached by the man-made rush… The speed of the city amazed me… It was thrilling. I thought I am too slow for City speed and was afraid of being left behind. I started working hard to cope up. Unknowingly I became part of the rat race to become so called ‘successful’.

‘City’ runs everything as business. It makes you ‘smart’… more appropriate word is ‘opportunist’.  If you are not fast enough, it labels you as ‘looser’; hence it pushes you to be faster. Its ‘value’ system is very weak, measures almost everything in money. It manufactures machines out of human beings. Relationships are mechanical and don’t have the moist they should carry.

I am scarred… I am already part of the mad rush. Small town boy has lost all the innocence he had. I can’t sit in beach for hours, I get bored easily. I can’t sit alone doing nothing... thinking of a poem. I always enjoyed writing. My happiest day is the day I write an average poem/article than I resolve a complicated technical issue. I always say – I write for myself… It is personal and where I am honest to myself. My command over my mother tongue is many times my command over English… then why did I start writing in English? Am I started writing what people want to read? Did poet in me has almost died? Probably I have become greedy too?

I don’t blame anybody, not even ‘City’ for what I chose and what I became. City also gave me an opportunity   to understand the rest of the world, out of my home town. It expanded my horizon of thought process. It made me to be more open in my thinking. It provided an immense opportunity to mingle with different people from different background and culture. City gave me a wide range of experience to my life. More than anything else, it supplies my daily food!

‘Should I wake up before I reach more miserable state?’ or ‘Am I thinking too much?’ :). I feel I don’t belong to where I am. Even though I live in center of technology, it never excites me. I want to go back to the green I left… I want to go back to the blue river I left… I want to go back to the sea I left… I want to go back to the fresh air I left. But, how strong my thoughts are? How easy it is to go back and start again? Am I looking like a foolish cynical?

I stand alone… lost… with blank eyes… confused !!!

Cheers!

Kiran

Alchemy and Anoushka !

What I dreamt was not hyped ! I am following Anoushka Shankar for more than two years now. Every other day I listen to her Sitar irrespective of what is the mood; to the extent that even my flat mates can now identify her tunes :). It was my dream to attend a live concert of her to which it is very difficult to get an entry.

South bank center organizes annual Alchemy Festival which is celebration of cultures from India, South Asia and UK. It show cases fine blend of these cultures starting from folk, food, music, painting, literature to fashion for ten full days. Not just the shows, it conducts lots of workshops teaching Sanskrit to Bollywood dance.

When I came to know about this festival two months ago and Anoushka Shankar is playing in in this Festival, all tickets were sold out! I couldn't do much apart from troubling ticket office multiple times and refreshing ticket availability page on ticket booking website hoping cancelled tickets will appear on it. I did this daily at least twice for almost two months and just a day before the show, the moment I refreshed the page I saw four seats available. I managed to book one for me… cherry on ice-cream - third row from front ! I was literally jumping with joy for rest of the day.

When I started on Saturday afternoon for the show it was drizzling in London. Rain always reminds me of my home and I enjoy rain. It always fills me with fresh mood. I wouldn't have asked for any better start than drizzle for the day. 

When I reached Queen Elizabeth Hall there were many events going on as part of alchemy festival. There was an interesting play going on in Sanskrit called 'Witness Stone', which was a very nice execution of pure folk from ancient India. All artists were so professional and natural. After that I was roaming around Royal Festival Hall which was packed with people drawing Rangolis to dancing for Panjabi tune.

I was surprised to see more than fifty percent of the people were native British. I saw an old English lady who was teaching Indian traditional embroidery work to kids. I spoke to her about her links to Indian culture and art. She was talking about twenty plus years she spent in Mysore and its richness in art and culture with glow in her eyes. I did not know half the things she was talking about art of Mysore! I had read about the respect English people have towards art, culture and history and it is nothing to do with the British bureaucracy. I witnessed it for the first time. We should visit these kind of festivals one in a while at least to realize 'How much less creative we are', 'How much less informative we are about your own art' and 'What we are NOT worth off' ! 

I was there primarily for the show of an internationally celebrated artist but realized that there is an equally talented folk and art which are not celebrated.

I entered the auditorium half an hour before show started and was waiting for the show to begin. Show was based on Anoushka Shankar's latest album 'Traveller' which explores link between Indian classical and Spanish Flamenco music. I don’t understand much of classical music but always liked fusion; which is more rhythmic, exited version of Indian classical which retains the soul of Indian music at the same time removing boring part of it ! 'Traveller', 'Rise', 'Breathing Under Water' are the albums from Anushaka which are class examples of what I like.

Show started with opening of Rajasthani folk band setting up rhythmic and vibrant sound with colorful Rajasthani traditional dancers adding their twist to it. When Anoushka entered the dais with light brick color Selwar with her big smile, I was stunned by the grace she carried with her! Probably I am biased :). She started with a simple composition setting mood to upcoming excitement. When she started playing 'Inside Me', 'Kanya' along with the breathtaking voice of Sandra Carrasco… I was already lost. Sitar and Guitar were talking to each other in such a harmony when they played 'Buleria con Ricardo'… I was holding my breath for the song to get over. When she started flashing her Sitar with my favorite 'Traveller' with Sanjeev Shankar's Shehnai melody in the background, entire auditorium was vibrating. It is lot different from listening to it from album at home. There was loads of improvisation and vibration created was very high. When Sitar started competing with mad Mrudangam from Prasanna Devaraja and dancing Tabla from Tanmay Bose 'Dancing in Madness' shook the auditorium… I was actually going mad ! Suddenly she shifted to beautiful love song 'Si No Puedo Verla' which brought heart beat to normal with its melody. She concluded the concert with 'Folk' her father's composition where Rajasthani band joined her with their rhythm. Rajasthani Gipsy, Hindustani classical and Spanish Flamenco together sounded so unique and vibrant. That was a master piece! I went blank by looking at the accuracy of each musician and the way they connect to soul of the audience !

When entire auditorium stood up and bowed and clapped for more than five minutes … I was like, 'Why did it get over?'  It was absolute bliss of two hours. I was walking out as if I am walking in dream. Of course, "What I dreamt was not hyped" !

Cheers!

Kiran