Journey of Changes and Dreams I Chased…

My first street fight I remember is when I was in second standard. I fought with three or four of my seniors. I was returning back from school on a heavy rain day of June or July; I picked up a fight and was beaten up very badly. All my new books and slate were drawn away by the red water flooding in drainage. I was beaten up at home again for what I did!

I was a brat. Managing me was a big head-ache for my parents. I jumped into a water-well with the intention of suicide while running away from my father’s beating. I tried running away from home when I was in sixth standard. I wrote a long letter to my parents stating why I am leaving home. Good that they read the letter early and picked me up from the school itself. I stole money from home to buy cricket kit and ice creams. I had special skills in cooking up lies and stories. I had a gang in seventh standard and we would pick up fight just for the enjoyment of beating up some one. I was least bothered about my studies; it was just the fear of my parents pushed me to study and get good grades.

Today if I think about what I was during my school days, it pricks me. I had anger on the world… I had hatred towards people. I just don’t remember what made me like that. I had loving parents… all the teachers loved me… probably my company was wrong or I spoilt the company. Not that I just have bitter childhood… I have loads of my own innocent and beautiful memories which always bring smile on my face… Just that, I remember bitter ones more prominently! You never know what makes an innocent kid into a brat… You never know how anger and hatred fills up within a tender heart!

My parents transferred me to a different school during my eighth standard, just to cut me off from my company! I got into athletics, science exhibitions, debates etc. I started travelling out of my town for these competitions. I went for NCC camps. I met new people. Few of them left very positive influence on me. Even though I was not doing very well with my academics; those competitions brought confidence within me. Those are the days which made me what I am… I cherish those days which brought positive change. I slowly got away from the ‘brat’ label. I think I started reading some random story books as well during those days. A positive vibe made me a better kid than before! That is the age people influence a kid to the most… And I had right people around.

When I got into pre-university, it was all about academics. I had examples set by my seniors. It was very difficult to cope up with medium switch. As a normal teenage boy I had difficult task of tackling teenage complexes. Still full focus was there on academics. I invested all my efforts… When final exams came, I was not able to handle the pressure. I was not able to write two of my papers and lost a year. I failed in the twelfth exam which decides the fate of a student in our education system. Building pressure on yourself by comparing yourself to somebody else and trying to outperform somebody else is the worst thing you can do to yourself… I learnt it hard way!

There was a year of trauma. I did not know what to do. I still managed to read and wrote remaining two papers. My aggregate was very good. But, I wanted to join engineering in army! I gave up my preparations for general entrance exams and started preparing for army entrance. Finally I gave up on army entrance as well! Luckily, I at least wrote general entrance exams without preparation, which later fetched me an engineering seat. Probably the lack of guidance and sense of losing the battle left me in such a terrible state. It was strange, I was left in deep grief along with 97% aggregate in hand! If you don’t recover from a defeat, you will be pushed deeper into more defeats!

By then, like any other small town boy I desperately wanted to get out of the town. I landed in MSRIT engineering college in Bangalore. I had different challenges to address. I was a raw small town boy in between sophisticated city students. My confidence was crushed to death. I was not capable of constructing two sentences in English for a conversation. I was blank in my first engineering lecture… I was not able to understand what is going on. For a year, I was immersed in engineering books. I got good grades as well. But, I slowly realized these grades are not just enough to survive in the city. For a period I went into a very bad depression as well. I got few amazing friends. They showed me what the city is… They showed me how to dream and how to chase them. When I cracked the group discussion and interview of my first job, I felt the sense of fulfilment. My confidence was back in! That is the age, you should have right friends who will guide you to the success… 

By the time I finished my engineering I was addicted to reading. Reading always makes me think and my thoughts are influenced by my reading. Books open up a new world for me and always gave me a different but positive perspective on life. I became a vegetarian by choice from a kid who would torture the kitten before killing it... major credit goes to what I read.

I started working… Met new people … Worked with amazing people… Last six years of my working life is just filled with good moments and successes. I was blessed to always have nicer people around. I never had chance to crib about anything. I enjoy my days filled with running, fitness, books, music and people. Sometimes, I am worried about my feeling of ‘having everything in life or being fortunate in life’ so early in life… getting used to too much of happiness and peace for very long time is not good and I have decided to get married :)

Perspectives change… Attitude changes… Challenges change… Every change during my journey always taught me a lesson. I chased my every dream with full of joy within. Sitting jobless on a bright Sunday morning, I enjoy recalling the journey of changes and dreams I chased…

Cheers!
Kiran